I haven't been posting much lately. It's funny how much can go through a mind on a single day, but to sit and write about it? Well, sometimes we just need time to think and process our thoughts before trying to make sense of them by writing.
It's been well over 6 months since my D-Day. And a good 6 weeks since I discovered more information than I ever truly wanted to find through a gmail account I hacked. Yep, be careful what you wish for......Oh my. But, things do seem to be getting better. At least on the surface.
I still wonder what my WH is thinking or doing. Because I can't always know what he is doing. And at some point, I have to just let him DO what ever it is he is going to DO. Because the only person I can control is ME. Ouch.....how often have I told my kids the exact same thing? It is true though. I do know this. I also know that nothing is guaranteed. I wasn't guaranteed before I realized that my husband was actually capable of doing things I never dreamed he was capable of doing. And I am most certainly not guaranteed anything now. But, there is still hope.I hope that our relationship can be saved. That our family won't suffer too much. That things truly can get better.
I hope that there is a day I don't wonder what he's up to.
A day I don't want to check his cell phone or email accounts.
A day where things just feel better.
And, some days they do feel a lot better than they did 6 plus months ago. Or even 2 months ago.
So for 2015, what I would like for others to think about is this. If by chance you are thinking about cheating because perhaps your relationship isn't what you would like it to be OR if you are already cheating. THINK about what you are doing and WHY you are really doing it. I think most couple just lack good communication. There are a lot of assumptions.
Don't assume.
TALK to your significant other. Not the "other" other.
The person you made those vows with?
That's the one you should be discussing your future with.
Your hopes and dreams with.
You disappointments with.
Your frustrations with.
Perhaps they feel sad and lonely too. Take the first step.
Maybe thing won't work out. Maybe it's not destined to be forever, but at least you'll know that you gave it your all. You won't be sitting there a few years from now wondering what to do and if you did enough. You'll know you tried.
And yes, maybe you'll need to be honest about what's been going on, but trust me. Your spouse would rather hear from you what's been going on than to find out randomly later. Trust me. Because if they find out through other sources, they'll be like me and MANY other who are left wondering...
are you really sorry about your affair?
or are you just sorry you got caught?
